There are areas of our world where oppression and injustice of the female gender is rooted in ancient traditions.
When just one woman has the courage to come forward and tell her Truth as she knows it, that act empowers others to do the same. Her bravery in stepping forward is a direct result of the Goddess energies that have, and still are, surfacing on our World.
It is a compelling testament of the effect this powerful Force is having, as these energies criss-cross the lands and seas, igniting the fires of hope and determination in women everywhere causing them to stand strong in their desire for Gender equality.
Change is happening. It is unstoppable.
This writing, “ Spreading The Wings” is one Soul’s story. She has chosen to remain anonymous.
with Love and Light
Bethel
Spreading the Wings
Growing up India, I have observed my culture and grew up in a traditional family. I have wanted to write about this topic for a very long time. Now it feels the right time to express it. This writing is dedicated to all the woman who have made sacrifices by staying in their domestic area, living in a joint family (husband’s side of the family and extended family) and putting everyone else’s needs first and raising their kids well. In my heart I have always felt a deep sense of empathy for the woman who have walked this path, this pain is part of me but does impact me in a debilitating way, and it structures my life in a way that keeps me at a distance. In my heart I believe that all women are one and they all have stories to tell and we are all connected. In India there is a very common tradition called Arranged marriage, which has been going on for years and years somehow I see an injustice for a girl here where everything is decided for her.
She is little, unaware of the role of a girl child, she can cry, she can scream, she can throw tantrums while she is young…things are going to change for her, she will have to behave, one day she will turn into a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter in law, a caregiver, a shoulder to cry on. She is not allowed to think differently, out of the tradition, she has to do as she is told, if you rebel you will be an outcast…so what can she do, how to break the barrier and think outside the box…only way she can do it, is by being STRONG…really we are allowed to be strong, is that something we can do.
Arranged marriage is a type of marriage where the bride and groom are selected by the family members or matchmaker. A biodata of bride and groom is created by their parents, and then the picture and biodata are exchanged. Based on what qualities and education they are looking for, a selection is made. The grooms family comes to see the bride with his whole family, to make sure what they see in the picture looks the same in person. If they like what they see then a selection is made but if they don’t like her, the grooms family will give their reasons for rejection based on the physical appearance of the girl, like complexion, height, weight, not wearing enough jewellery (this shows status of the family) or did not liked the way girl communicated.
If the selection is made, a priest from both the sides looks at the horoscope of the bride and groom and based on the astrology the stars are matched. Then happens the discussion of money
– When a girl child was born, usually there was no celebration because the father now has to worry about her dowry, the more you give, the better your daughter will be treated at her in laws house. In the dowry system in India, before the nuptial ceremony the groom and his parents and the bride’s parents discusses about the amount (Cash, goods, movable property) that will be given to the girl when she goes to her in laws house. This dowry is supposed to be enjoyed by the bride but reality is something else.
Bird in a gilded cage – She leaves the house and goes to a cage where she is alone and her every move is watched by women and elders of the house. What if the girl is ambitious and wants to pursue a career, who will support her at her in laws house? Once she is there she will have to think about the need of others before her needs. The burden of mother and father has now gone to somebody else’s house and she is now a caregiver in a house where she is supposed to live rest of her life. A good well behaved daughter in law, what is the definition for that? The girl in her parents’ house is taught never to talk back, no matter what anyone tells you, no matter how badly you are treated at your in laws place. Do as you are told. Your husband is now your GOD as he is the one who brings in the money and after his hard day of work treat him well, this is no more your house, your in laws house is your house and they are now your parents.
She is no more a new bride- If it has been two years and she is still not pregnant, everyone suspects that there is something wrong with her, why can’t she produce a child. Starting from her parents to her in-laws and distant relatives starts to ask and doubt her capability to bear a child. No one questions the man everyone questions the girl. She is starting to become strong by answering all the questions without doubting her husband and taking all the blame on her. She gets pregnant again, everyone is happy. The biggest question is “Is it going to be a boy or a girl”. The family wants a boy, someone who can take over father’s profession and someone who can bring a replacement for his mother. A girl child is born; it’s very sad news. The girl is welcomed but the pressure on the mother doubles to get pregnant again and give birth to a boy. A year after a boy is born, and there is a huge celebration, the boys fate is already decided what he is going to be when he grows up. The young naïve girl has turned into a woman who has tolerated everything at her in laws house and is a mother. She is STRONG and she lives every day and every minute of her life in that house for her children.
Raising the Son Vs Raising the daughter – the pressure of education is more on the boy so that eventually he will bring an educated lady. The boy is not allowed to be sensitive, he has to be good in sports and excellent in education, he has to be an overachiever. If this is all being done and all the money that is being invested on the son so that one day he will bring a good girl home who can look after his parents in old age as a payback by their son sacrificing the life of a young girl who leaves her maternal home and comes to a strangers house just to be a slave and who looks after the husband’s parents. Is this what this is all about? Aren’t parents capable enough to take care of themselves or find a paid help in old age without sacrificing a woman?
The sister is also allowed to go to school, get the education (depending on the monetary status).The pressure on the sister is, learning with her mother to cook and clean and take care of the house, the pressure on the mother is to raise her daughter as a fair looking, beautiful young good girl. She has to be perfect in every way so that when she one day goes to her in laws house the capability of the mother raising a good girl is not questioned. The mother, who stood strong at her in-laws house, did her duty and raised her children, looked after the husband and husband’s parents and the extended family to the best of her capability. What will be her teaching to her daughter who will one day have to go to somebody else’s house? Will the cycle continue? Will the same mother became the same mother in law who treats her daughter in law as a slave or somebody who looks after her?
Before judging a person know where they come from, what their story is. Life is beautiful in Canada, we have everything. I salute all the East Indian woman who live in this country in a joint family, looking after husbands parents (who by the way will always say “this is my sons house”), making a living (contributing towards the mortgage), looking after the family, driving kids to the activities, attending their kids parent teacher meeting, driving her in-laws to the doctors appointment, working hard on her physical appearance , fasting for the husband in Karwachauth (it’s a festival where wife fasts for a day for her husband’s long life and success and prays to the moon in the evening and the husband and then breaks the fast) she is still not completely accepted within the family.
An earth angel once told me that one can be truly free when you accept the truth with a pure heart, in this case there is a gender discrimination in India and once we accept this fact, then we can start working towards freeing ourselves from certain traditions that has been created by society to put woman below men. The change in Canada happened when THE FAMOUS FIVE, Emily Murphy, Irene Marryat Parlby, Nellie Mooney McClung, Louise Crummy McKinney and Henrietta Muir Edwards got together and fought for woman and children rights, when they realised that a change needs to happen.
Author
Anonymous
